I always want to be a good friend, so I always try my best when someone needs me. From time to time, some friends find me and talk about their problems, and I always want to accompany them. However, I had had a long time trouble with how to be a good listener.
People always have problem with dealing the relationship of tellers and listeners. I can’t exactly remember how many times I ended up arguing with my friends because I wanted to help them while they just wanted someone to listen to them. I got really frustrated why they got mad when I thought I was doing my part. The problem led me to the understanding of the actual role of a listener. People, just like the old me, thought their friends find them to talk about their worries and anxieties actually want some advices to solve their problems. However, they don’t.
In order for me to understand that role, I put myself in the view of the teller. I understand that when I actually find someone to talk about my problems, part of me was just talking to myself and let myself understand what are in my mind. Deep under me, I know what I believe and what I want, and so I don’t really want the listener to tell me what to do for the best of everything and everyone. Of course, there are times when I burst into tears because my listener gave me suggestions which I thought they are good, but the reason I cried was because he or she was speaking my mind. Therefore, the job of the listener is just, literally, to listen or maybe speak a little bit of what the teller has in mind.
So if someone ever wonders what he or she should do to stop the conflicts, what takes to make things go smoothly is just to listen and speak when it’s appropriate.